Friday, October 15, 2010

A rubber duck

Those towels are for the blood.

On a discussion about sex toys today, somehow it went to rubber ducks. So, someone suggested I use a rubber duck as today's entry. 

There's not much I can say about this, really. It's just a duck you can stick in your butt. It's waterproof too, so have some fun in the shower (real men that love to stick things in their butts take showers, not baths). He's even ready to go into your underpoo cave with his snorkeling gear on.

Buy one and stick it in your butt today!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Colt Dragoon pistol

Well, I guess I should change the name to "historical things you can stick in your butt." Just kidding, but here's a historical thing you can stick in your butt.

Pump your rectum full of lead and pleasure.

This was the revolver used by the ultimate badass Josey Wales, just so you know. A little history for you on the actual revolver:
"The Colt Model 1848 Percussion Army Revolver is a .44 caliber revolver designed by Samuel Colt for the U.S. Army's Mounted Rifles, also known as "Dragoons". This revolver was designed as a solution to numerous problems encountered with the Walker Colt. Although it was introduced after the Mexican-American War, it became popular among civilians during the 1850s and '60s, and was also used during the American Civil War."

Stick this amazing pistol in your butt and fire!

Monday, October 11, 2010

A Kentucky flintlock musket

Things are odd in Kentucky when you stick this up your butt.

"This rifle evolved from the German hunting guns and was a major rival of the Brown Bess. Typical rifle in use in the American colonies it became, thanks to its lightness and accuracy, one of the most popular American rifles. "

Sweet. You can stick this popular rifle in your butt today. As always, load it with a dildo and fire it up your butt with the help of a friend. Repeat on friend. 

For added historical accuracy, wear a raccoon-skin cap and a blue coat to symbolize your love for America's colonies. 

Sunday, October 10, 2010

A puckle gun

This one will puckle up your butthole.

So, before you stick it up your ass, let's learn some more about it.

The Puckle Gun was created by James Puckle who was a writer and lawyer from London. He created what he called the “Defence Gun” while others deemed it the “Puckle Gun.” No matter what you want to call it, this gun didn’t go far. First made in order to fire against Christian enemies and later to fire upon Muslim Turks, the Puckle Gun was never able to do its task. Created with a tripod-mounted, single barreled flintlock with a multishot revolving cylinder, the gun was able to shoot 63 shots in 7 minutes, compared to the more common three shots per minute, which was standard on the soldier’s musket. The Puckle Gun drew few investors and never achieved mass production or sales to the British armed forces, mostly because British gunsmiths at the time couldn’t easily make the many complicated components.

Get one of these rare, early machine guns and shove it in your butt. Mod it to fire dildos and you can have 63 dildos every 7 minutes. How's that for pleasure?


It was patented in 1718, so I supposed a tri-corn and maybe a red coat like the musketoon. Although, you're probably better off not doing this as the weapon was unpopular at the time.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

An adorable rat

"Stick me in your butt, I'm cute."

Look at this adorable little guy. He'd be even cuter when you can't see him without help of an x-ray! He's so adorable... Jeez, if you stick this thing in your bum you'd probably meet a lot of girls. "Hello, ladies, I have an adorable mouse somewhere on my person. Want to see?"

Swoon them ladies.


Well, Cutlery Day was a huge failure, so forget about it until next year.
Purple is gay. Gay people stick things up their butt. So can you...

Just stick some Gak in your butt. That is all.

Friday, October 8, 2010

A fork


Continuing with the tradition of Cutlery Day, we have the fork. Not only will it provide pleasure, but if you've been sticking things in your ass (mainly food or gerbils), this utensil will help you out. It can easily grab and hold onto 80% of the things you stick in your ass that you want out (why would you want things out though? That's what pooping is for). Stick a fork in your butt, it's done!

Stay tuned for an exciting guest appearance from an obscure cutlery piece after this...

A spoon

Well, it's Cutlery Day here at Things You Can Stick In Your Butt, or ANAL ASSAULT for short, and I'll be updating this blog with various cutlery that, you guessed it, can be inserted into your butt. So...

It can mirror the inside of your butt.

We'll start with the mighty spoon. It's great for scooping out some rice or mashed potatoes you just stuffed into your butt for warmth, and then you can feed them to unknowing children. Laugh at them as you airplane the spoon into their mouths, with food straight from your bum! Then, when they're finished eating, you give them a surprise. Show them where the food came from before they call social services and then the cops come. But hey, if they do, you can ask if they'll shove their billy club up your butt. (MORE ON THAT LATER, IT'S ONLY TIME FOR CUTLERY)

So, start shoving this dinnerware up your butt spooner rather than later.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


The red will mix in with the blood from your tight bum.

Remember, don't stick anything into your butt if you can't handle it. If you want, print this out and stick it in your butt too. You can tape it with some duct tape around a wooden dowel. Instant pleasure.

I have never stuck anything in my butt. Stick stuff in the butts of your friends to ensure that it can be stuck in a butt. If the friend complains, stick more things in his butt. Never hurt animals with this. Thanks.

This Ad

Lol, stick it in your butt!

Print this out and stick it in your butt.

A cigar

Puff in your butt.

I don't really know why you wouldn't stick a cigar in your butthole, so I'm not going to give you reasons why you should. Just be careful with it. Or don't! It's your butt!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A 2x4

Ironically enough, this image came from a Christian website.

Do I even have to give a reason why you should stick wood in your butt?

Friday, October 1, 2010

This Exquisite Beer Stein +

Pour some beer into your butt. FROM THE INSIDE!

Every man loves beer. If the man doesn't love beer, he has a vagina. So, by this mathematical logic (yes, I'm a scientist), I have deduced that every man loves sticking beer steins up their ass. Look at those beasts! You could stick one in your butt, and the other in the same butt! Christ, I might even want to do this. 

Alternatively, if you can't afford this (I'm pretty sure that they're at least $500 a piece)...

Stick this Spider-man stein in your ass. I think it's a stein... Or a thermos. Who cares? Plug your butt with cold beer or warm chicken noodle soup. 

Thursday, September 30, 2010

A musketoon

You know you want this fine weapon in your bum.

This musketoon was basically a shotgun, so what's stopped you from loading it with a dildo or seven and firing it while it's in your ass? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. First, you get the pleasure of a musketoon being in your butt, and then you get the maximum pleasure of a dildo being fired into your body. Win-win. 

For added historical feel, wear a red coat and cool hat.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A fax machine


Fax your anus a friendly note as you shove a fax machine up it. Have fun!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Magic Bullet

It's already a dildo. Look at it.

Guaranteed to give you pleasure to your anus or you'll get a refund. Shove it in your butt today!

Monday, September 6, 2010

A gerbil

Look at this rodent.

Isn't it so cute you just want to stick it in your ass? Why stop with one? Go with gerbils for maximum fun!

Saturday, September 4, 2010


Pens are things. Things you can stick in your butt.

You can color the inside of your rectum with different variations of ink! Or you can write about sticking things in your butt... IN YOUR BUTT. RADICAL! Stick pens in your butt today!

Friday, September 3, 2010


Husk on or off is YOUR choice, so go make it!

Do you like corn? Do you like sticking things up your butt? Well then, you're going to love sticking corn up your butt. Its rough texture will have your butt wanting more! More corn up your butt! 

You can also stick that green farm vehicle in your butt too!
Stick all of that corn in your butt! All of it!

You can put almost anything into your butt

This dog has a butt. Stick things in it.

And why shouldn't you do it? I wouldn't stick things in my butt, but you should! Think of something! What you just thought of can be stuck in your butt. It's all up to your imagination!